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Tanning At The Beach

Posted on 23 November 2011. Tags: Cecil Adams, Chicagoreader, Creative Loafing, Desperate Need, Disaster, Europe, Express Written Consent, love, Message Board Users, Moisturizer, Old Ladies, People, Solarium, Speedos, Straight Dope Message, Straight Dope Message Board, Successors, Tanning Studios, Turkey, Work Colleagues

Do you love tanning in the sun or are you more of a person who visits tanning studios. Whatever your favorite way of getting nice brown tan is, you should know that if after your trip to solarium or a day out and Tanning At The Beach, when you come back home, you realize that your skin looks even remotely like this, you definitely over did it. Here are the ten worst possible examples of unsuccessful and unreasonable tanning, something you don’t want to do for sure.

Don’t you just hate those people that at the end of their holiday, the very last day decide to switch from shorts to speedos. The guy on the left finally took his pants down, and the one on the left was naive enough to believe his work colleagues the speedos are back, and that they are apparently a big hit in Europe.

These people really look terrible. especially the old ladies at the beach. Their skin looks awfully dry and in desperate need for some moisturizer. They remind me a bit of dry and overcooked turkey, like a Thanks-giving dinner with my family, yes, a disaster is the right word.

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26 to 30: Nice wireless laptop. You obviously have one, because you’re certainly not reading this at a desk. You only happened upon this page because you need to order a second swimsuit, preferably one that lets in the Tanning rays.

30 and above: Thank god your uncle left you all that money so you can afford to live at the resort. You shudder at what might have been – actually having to work a desk job at some soul-sucking corporation. Or is this a dream, and you don’t actually have a rich uncle who passed away. Best not think of those things, just enjoy the now.

Careful with that margarita, you don’t want to waste it by accidentally spilling it all over your keyboard again.

Cebu has always been in the back of mind when it comes to places to visit. I’ve been there once a few years ago for a conference and I liked what I saw. The only thing that’s been holding me back in visiting Cebu again is the fact that I feel that it is hardly any different from Manila and the resorts are way too expensive for my budget.

I am so pumped-up like Manny Pacquiao for my upcoming trip to Cebu on the second week of December you have no idea. I’ve been stuck rotting in the city for so long that I feel I deserve some tripping time and spend some days Tanning At The Beach. I’ve had nothing in my mind these days but work and worrying about the future that I have become so stressed and ended-up losing a lot of weight (10 pounds in about a month to be exact) and I am not even fat to begin with. Just yesterday I decided to buy some new pants as my current ones have gotten so loose that they suddenly make me look like MC Hammer (he was a rapper who was known to have a penchant for wearing tacky loose pants back in my time kiddos). I’m sure a lot of supermodels would kill for the type of metabolism that I have. Save them from forcing to throw-up the burger that they just had before every fashion event.

But thank you to some new found friends who were nice enough to invite me (or I think I invited myself) to travel with them this December, I learned that Cebu is so much more than what I initially thought it was. But truth be told though, that same initial impression was what made me almost move there a few years ago. At that time I was thinking, if I was going to move away from home I might as well transfer to some place where it’ll be somewhat similar to home yet not exactly. It seemed like the best choice. Obviously it never happened and instead I ended-up somewhere else cold.